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I Am a Preferred Albertsons Shopper

But, I do not prefer to shop there.

Sadly, it's the only option resembling home at all. I've always resented Albertsons. They never have a normal checkout line. They usually have those awkward roundabout silly ones. And I always feel like the place is dirty.

The Albertsons here is on a whole other level. First, there is Disturbed playing while you shop. That's right. Find your frozen pizza bites while listening to Get Down with the Sickness. It's pretty strange, really.

They are also renovating the store, so every aisle has been pushed closer to the next, to make room for construction. Some aisles are only a foot wide. I couldn't even go down the cereal aisle. I had to abandon my cart, race in, grab my boxes of Capn' Crunch and Crispix, and run back out before the frozen food freezers of the opposing aisle caved in on me.

I don't even have to mention the gutted tile floors that stop your cart dead in its tracks. Or the rack of magazines right next to the ground beef. No, I think you understand everything already.

This may be an immature thought...

But if I were given a bunch of presents on Halloween, it would be my favorite holiday. Hands down. I really appreciate it when someone goes all out for it.

My students really don't want to dress up. They're too cool.
If only they knew how much my Britney boots cost me last year...

Yesterday's Fortunes

Hmm, interesting. What is the bee for? Is it bad luck to get two fortunes in the same cookie?

Oh, stop me from laughing...

Taken from this article:

"Still, the plumber wouldn't say who he was voting for and brushed off a question about whether he could influence the election or other voters.

'I don't have a lot of pull. It's not like I'm Matt Damon,' Wurzelbacher said."

Meet Joe the Plumber

Frankly, Joe the Plumber is a douchebag. He serves as the focal point of all conservative hypothetical situations. This is all McCain, apparently, dreams about:

You thought you knew Joe the Plumber. He is so utterly middle class. There is no escaping the middle class in America. Not even Joe, who plumbs. And it turns out, he doesn't mind the $10.2 Trillion national debt (it's so very sad to think I'm rounding down there). Or tax cuts for major corporations. No, no, he's just concerned with his own business. His little plumbing truck. His red hat. His Stalinist mustache.

He doesn't understand that the government is fueled with taxes. That's just how it works.

No, no. Joe is a simple guy. He was born in the Heartland of America. Where is the heartland? I'm not sure. Try to find it. You'll probably find a tire center, or maybe a Great Clips hair salon, next to a cornfield. Joe is a simple guy and he understands how toilet bowls work, and how sinks work. He understands crap.

Who cares about renewable energy? What does this have to do with elbow joints and water pressure? Why, oh why, is plumbing considered the great hypothetical average job for America?

And McCain is the maverick protecting Joe, the little guy with a monkey wrench.
p.s. Hillary, I miss you, boo.
p.p.s. 250 posts!

R.I.P. Sunny

Parakeet, you sat in your cage in the corner for 12 years of my life. 13? 12? I'm not sure. I didn't even know you were a female until a few months ago.

Anywho, hope you enjoy bird heaven. I'll miss hearing you chirp when the water's running, or when we're trying to watch something good on the television.

Discourse From A Nobody (AKA: Don't Read Below)

I must admit, the movie Appaloosa is very entertaining. Ed Harris is a pretty good director. Ever since watching The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, I've been a fan of westerns. I want to own a revolver some day. Hell, I live in Montana now, I might as well get used to it.

Nobody does it better than Sergio Leone when it comes to westerns. Any number of experts would tell you this. It's mainly because he did more than what the genre told him to. I think to make a great genre film, it must exhibit certain traits of that genre, while destroying other formulas. Again, any number of experts would tell you this.

There must be a damsel, there must be an unquestionable quickdraw hero, etc. etc. Leone's movies work because they don't follow this. There is no love interest. Blondie, the supposed "Good," is not really that good in The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

But, more to the point, I have a proposition: Why not make a western that delves into a noir-style? Jarmusch was onto something when he made Dead Man in black and white. You'll also notice that narration follows the main protagonist throughout westerns, just as it does in noir films. There should be a good deal of voiceover. Why not play with camera speed to slow things down, not just during gunfights (as Akira Kurosawa brought to the world) but also when Blondie is lighting a cigar? Something oozing with cool.

In both noir films and westerns, there is a certain structure to make the protagonist and antagonist hyper-males. Ubermensch. Anyone that dares cross Blondie will certainly find a bullet in their chest. The same goes for all heroes in westerns; Ed Harris's Virgil is unquestionable. The noir-style would only cement this position. A gruff voiceover would only add to the hero, not detract. Think of Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver. Think of Godard's Michel in Breathless.

Why not start at a point that is not the story's beginning? What if visuals were stunning in themselves, and the movie was not so plot-driven? What if the camera actually moved, as a player, instead of just an observer?

Film producers, with your Lamborghini-loads of money, and none to give to me, make a western that is not just a western. Make a movie that is not quite formulaic, not quite noir-style, that does a few things that are completely original. Perhaps we should not open the film with a sweeping shot of the open plains? A quick montage to get the surroundings would suffice, as the Coens do all the time (especially in Blood Simple, Fargo, and No Country for Old Men). Perhaps we can do more than show a gang on horseback riding over a hill far away? That, I believe, would navigate perfectly between what is popular, and what is artistic. Make it dark, so very dark, and create something.

It will hit 25 degrees tonight

And eventually start snowing. Goodbye, sandals.
Welcome aboard, grayness.

As I was driving yesterday, I noticed a "DEAF CHILD" sign posted on a telephone pole right on the property line between two houses. Does the deaf child live here, or this next house? The red or the blue? While I considered this, I could have easily run over said deaf child.

I wait for the bus, shivering, and decide firmly that if the mountains were taller by several thousand feet, it would be either colder OR hotter here. I am a philosopher, meteorologist, physicist, jack of all trades. I am mediocre at everything.

I drove past a mailman in his typical safari hat as he shuffled no less than 15 Netflix envelopes in his hands. For the first time, I considered robbery.

Sometimes it feels good to lie in bed, listen to Massive Attack, and become so very horizontal.

Today is a Mad Max day

No one on the road. Only mountains ahead, and sky above. It's the kind of day that makes me think of Mad Max. When we run out of gas, and suffer a great nuclear fallout, I want to be the road warrior, the last person with a V8, driving around, doing what it takes to find gasoline. I'll even move to Australia (In all honesty, who would nuke Australia?). I sometimes think Cormac McCarthy is a big fan of Mad Max. So are the creators of Waterworld, which is Mad Max on the ocean.

Mad Max, the first in the series, is so low budget, and Mel Gibson is so young, it's hard not to find the movie entertaining. It's also extremely brutal, and that's always fun. From this point on, the foundation gets shaky.

The Road Warrior, the next installment, is wonderful only because Mel Gibson is older, has the same sawed-off shotgun, and is more of a bad ass. There's a great montage explaining the post-apocalyptic world, which even includes shots from the first movie in the background (mainly because no one saw the first installment). The storyline is piss-poor, but the action scenes are great. Every time Max fires his shotgun, I'm in awe (especially since there seem to only be 5 or 6 shotgun shells left on the planet).

Tina Turner?? Really? As soon as you hear her voice, singing the song for Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, you should be wary. The storyline for this movie is even worse, and the title is interesting because what happens after the Thunderdome sequence is useless. Absolute garbage. But, the first half of the movie is great, despite the 80's music and Tina Turner's chainmail dress and nameless hairstyle. What the hell is that?

I care too much about movies, I think. They're all entertaining, as they should be. Why should I try to give them any extra depth? Two men enter, one man leaves.

There are rumors of another Mad Max movie being made. I'm hesitant; it won't be so vintage. I think the age of the movies is what carries them. I doubt Mel Gibson will be in it, and maybe it was seeing him covered in leather that drew me in in the first place.

It's bad enough I own all three of these already.

Soime Businesses Need to Change Their Names

Majestic Lube?

Oh, the things I think when I read this...
Oh, maturity.